Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Some Further Discoursing on the Ketamine Posting

Well now... there have been quite some comments on this last blog entry and quite some comments on the subject at my other blogs and quite some email exchanges and some of them none too friendly. There seems to be an assumption here by a small group of people that I work for them and that I have to write and comport myself according to their desires and their ‘idea’ of who I am and who I should be. Let me clarify that for those of you who feel that I am something to be molded by you so that I am half-Boy Scout, half Mormon and half carrot.

My father, brutal authoritarian that he was, could not break my spirit no matter how many times he beat me into the ground with his fists and his feet and whatever was handy. The United States Military could not break my spirit no matter how much they tried. The American prison system and criminally insane holding facilities could not break my spirit no matter how hard they tried. Control freak girlfriends could not do it. Life and several long and difficult periods could not do it. I may have been somewhat accidentally molded in my defiance of and reaction to these forces but all any of them did was to convince me that they were wrong and whatever may yet come in whatever form is going to have as little success as they did. It is foolish for a reader to yell at me and think it’s going to do much of anything except to reveal them as a person with poor diplomatic skills and bad judgment.

Some people have decided that they would talk to me as if they were the Buddha and as if they actually inhabited that state of consciousness. However... the Buddha didn’t behave in this fashion and he ‘is’ the Buddha. Some people decided they could assume things about me based on zero contact or evidence of anything in my life besides what I say here and which is not me anyway; when I write something here I seldom know what it’s going to be. I wind up reading it as if someone else wrote it. Though what I am and what I do (or channel) cannot be separated, it would be foolish to think that the entirety of me is revealed in what you read here. It is most distressing to have people say unequivocally that, based on their own subjective experiences they know all there is to know about my experiences and to do it in an accusatory and arrogant manner.

Occasionally some people feel that I have let them down by not being precisely their projection of what they want me to be and think I am. I am a work in progress. I have flaws and I make errors. I will say that as soon as I recognize an error I set about correcting it and I have no problem admitting I am wrong and my track record on that speaks for itself. However, I am not at that level where I can see my errors ‘before’ I commit them in all cases. By the same token, no one here can assume that they know when I am in error when they are treating with something that takes place far from them and they know none of the details and haven’t even ever met me. They certainly haven’t walked a mile in my moccasins. But this doesn’t stop them. They are certain they are right... for all the good it does them.

If I think something is right for me to do, I’m going to do it and I don’t care what laws are made against it. The laws made against it are the children of industries that want you to swallow their crap instead of something that works. These laws are engineered by people who manufacture products far more toxic than anything that I take. And no one is going to tell me what to do. I don’t like being pushed around and I’m not going to be. I also don’t care if some reader goes off in a snit because I didn’t agree immediately to take their advice and apologize for not already being aware of their greater knowledge on all things than my own. I’m not paid for this except for the occasional donation and no one who has donated has so far complained and that’s good (grin). I’m not for sale. I’m not a whore. I will not be bent to anyone’s will but the almighty and that is automatic. I don’t belong to a religion or a political party. I don’t work for anyone and I won’t unless it’s free and unhindered. I suffered through my life to get to this place and I’m not surrendering it to the will of some uninformed stranger at a distance.

People come here because they like what I do. It informs them or entertains them or something and I’m gladdened by it. I don’t take it to mean I’m anything special and you won’t catch me acting like it should you meet me. I don’t try to hide my behaviors or attractions and I don’t play the guru game or try to pass myself off as someone with a far away look of wisdom in his eye. I do have certain connections and I am an initiate of a certain brotherhood but that’s not something that I could or would go into at any of these blogs. What any of it may mean is still unknown to me and it won’t get me a cup of coffee at the local diner.

This is a take it or leave it scene. If you don’t like it... there’s the door. If you do like it... welcome. No one has the right to demand that I be anything but myself and no one has the right to interfere or push their demands on me. Experience and my very present teacher will see that I learn what I need to know and I suspect that would be that I don’t know anything at all and that’s fine with me.

I don’t take drugs for recreational purposes though I can assure you I have. I’ve done it all and in large, large amounts and I am in very good shape. I haven’t seen a doctor at all except for a broken leg in decades. I don’t go to doctors. I don’t follow the world’s advice on anything. That’s how it is. The drugs I do take I take for specific reasons and that’s my business. I don’t tell people they shouldn’t daily imbibe in the worst poison, alcohol. I don’t tell them not to take legal pharmaceuticals which are dangerous and often useless. I don't tell other people how to braid their hair or spend their free time; please extend to me that same courtesy. Those of you concerned about the impact of mushrooms or Ayahuasca or Ketamine on my “brilliant mind” and ‘trusted reputation” should be advised that I’ve been doing drugs for a long time and if I was going to damage my facilities it would have happened a long time ago when the substances were far more likely to make it happen. I will say that alcohol had the worst impact on me and I can also say that I am now able to take it or leave it... I seldom use it because it’s just not helpful.

Please don’t give advice from a distance and please don’t assume what happened to you happens to me. Do not insist, as one correspondent did that you are me. That’s absurd. Surely we are all one but remember that the personality you are speaking from is not the all one... it’s a fragment... a temporary pose that will be discarded like a fingernail clipping or body hair. Don’t talk to me as if you are the font of ageless wisdom. You’re not. Ageless wisdom doesn’t talk like that and in this respect I do know what I’m talking about because I have invisible friends. Once again, this doesn’t make me the second coming. I’m just me. I’m easy to get along with. I post your criticisms and your praise and I don’t take either one seriously except maybe the criticism when I feel it applies. The praise I send on to the one responsible and deserving of it. My errors are my own. My accomplishments do not belong to me. And I’m not just saying this. I believe it.

Don’t expect things from me that are unreasonable. Don’t tell me what to do. Of course you can do this but it won’t do any good. If you want my attention, speak with the awareness that automatically compels your audience. And don’t insist that you’re right about what you are saying to the point that you begin to get insulting and act like a spoiled child who can’t make someone do what they want. I know that you don’t know what you are talking about. I wish you did.

Anyway, I hope this is a useful piece and if not that... at least amusing or entertaining. Now you can go back to whatever you were doing (grin). I’ll close with a real life song about a temporary girlfriend from Hell. It didn’t last long and it didn’t hurt at all which, I think, pissed her off more than anything in a long time. I said to her near the end, “You want to destroy me, don’t you?” “Yes.” She replied.

Visible sings: Bad Dogs and Barbed Wire by Les Visible♫ Bad Dogs and Barbed Wire ♫