Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Some Further Discoursing on the Ketamine Posting

Well now... there have been quite some comments on this last blog entry and quite some comments on the subject at my other blogs and quite some email exchanges and some of them none too friendly. There seems to be an assumption here by a small group of people that I work for them and that I have to write and comport myself according to their desires and their ‘idea’ of who I am and who I should be. Let me clarify that for those of you who feel that I am something to be molded by you so that I am half-Boy Scout, half Mormon and half carrot.

My father, brutal authoritarian that he was, could not break my spirit no matter how many times he beat me into the ground with his fists and his feet and whatever was handy. The United States Military could not break my spirit no matter how much they tried. The American prison system and criminally insane holding facilities could not break my spirit no matter how hard they tried. Control freak girlfriends could not do it. Life and several long and difficult periods could not do it. I may have been somewhat accidentally molded in my defiance of and reaction to these forces but all any of them did was to convince me that they were wrong and whatever may yet come in whatever form is going to have as little success as they did. It is foolish for a reader to yell at me and think it’s going to do much of anything except to reveal them as a person with poor diplomatic skills and bad judgment.

Some people have decided that they would talk to me as if they were the Buddha and as if they actually inhabited that state of consciousness. However... the Buddha didn’t behave in this fashion and he ‘is’ the Buddha. Some people decided they could assume things about me based on zero contact or evidence of anything in my life besides what I say here and which is not me anyway; when I write something here I seldom know what it’s going to be. I wind up reading it as if someone else wrote it. Though what I am and what I do (or channel) cannot be separated, it would be foolish to think that the entirety of me is revealed in what you read here. It is most distressing to have people say unequivocally that, based on their own subjective experiences they know all there is to know about my experiences and to do it in an accusatory and arrogant manner.

Occasionally some people feel that I have let them down by not being precisely their projection of what they want me to be and think I am. I am a work in progress. I have flaws and I make errors. I will say that as soon as I recognize an error I set about correcting it and I have no problem admitting I am wrong and my track record on that speaks for itself. However, I am not at that level where I can see my errors ‘before’ I commit them in all cases. By the same token, no one here can assume that they know when I am in error when they are treating with something that takes place far from them and they know none of the details and haven’t even ever met me. They certainly haven’t walked a mile in my moccasins. But this doesn’t stop them. They are certain they are right... for all the good it does them.

If I think something is right for me to do, I’m going to do it and I don’t care what laws are made against it. The laws made against it are the children of industries that want you to swallow their crap instead of something that works. These laws are engineered by people who manufacture products far more toxic than anything that I take. And no one is going to tell me what to do. I don’t like being pushed around and I’m not going to be. I also don’t care if some reader goes off in a snit because I didn’t agree immediately to take their advice and apologize for not already being aware of their greater knowledge on all things than my own. I’m not paid for this except for the occasional donation and no one who has donated has so far complained and that’s good (grin). I’m not for sale. I’m not a whore. I will not be bent to anyone’s will but the almighty and that is automatic. I don’t belong to a religion or a political party. I don’t work for anyone and I won’t unless it’s free and unhindered. I suffered through my life to get to this place and I’m not surrendering it to the will of some uninformed stranger at a distance.

People come here because they like what I do. It informs them or entertains them or something and I’m gladdened by it. I don’t take it to mean I’m anything special and you won’t catch me acting like it should you meet me. I don’t try to hide my behaviors or attractions and I don’t play the guru game or try to pass myself off as someone with a far away look of wisdom in his eye. I do have certain connections and I am an initiate of a certain brotherhood but that’s not something that I could or would go into at any of these blogs. What any of it may mean is still unknown to me and it won’t get me a cup of coffee at the local diner.

This is a take it or leave it scene. If you don’t like it... there’s the door. If you do like it... welcome. No one has the right to demand that I be anything but myself and no one has the right to interfere or push their demands on me. Experience and my very present teacher will see that I learn what I need to know and I suspect that would be that I don’t know anything at all and that’s fine with me.

I don’t take drugs for recreational purposes though I can assure you I have. I’ve done it all and in large, large amounts and I am in very good shape. I haven’t seen a doctor at all except for a broken leg in decades. I don’t go to doctors. I don’t follow the world’s advice on anything. That’s how it is. The drugs I do take I take for specific reasons and that’s my business. I don’t tell people they shouldn’t daily imbibe in the worst poison, alcohol. I don’t tell them not to take legal pharmaceuticals which are dangerous and often useless. I don't tell other people how to braid their hair or spend their free time; please extend to me that same courtesy. Those of you concerned about the impact of mushrooms or Ayahuasca or Ketamine on my “brilliant mind” and ‘trusted reputation” should be advised that I’ve been doing drugs for a long time and if I was going to damage my facilities it would have happened a long time ago when the substances were far more likely to make it happen. I will say that alcohol had the worst impact on me and I can also say that I am now able to take it or leave it... I seldom use it because it’s just not helpful.

Please don’t give advice from a distance and please don’t assume what happened to you happens to me. Do not insist, as one correspondent did that you are me. That’s absurd. Surely we are all one but remember that the personality you are speaking from is not the all one... it’s a fragment... a temporary pose that will be discarded like a fingernail clipping or body hair. Don’t talk to me as if you are the font of ageless wisdom. You’re not. Ageless wisdom doesn’t talk like that and in this respect I do know what I’m talking about because I have invisible friends. Once again, this doesn’t make me the second coming. I’m just me. I’m easy to get along with. I post your criticisms and your praise and I don’t take either one seriously except maybe the criticism when I feel it applies. The praise I send on to the one responsible and deserving of it. My errors are my own. My accomplishments do not belong to me. And I’m not just saying this. I believe it.

Don’t expect things from me that are unreasonable. Don’t tell me what to do. Of course you can do this but it won’t do any good. If you want my attention, speak with the awareness that automatically compels your audience. And don’t insist that you’re right about what you are saying to the point that you begin to get insulting and act like a spoiled child who can’t make someone do what they want. I know that you don’t know what you are talking about. I wish you did.

Anyway, I hope this is a useful piece and if not that... at least amusing or entertaining. Now you can go back to whatever you were doing (grin). I’ll close with a real life song about a temporary girlfriend from Hell. It didn’t last long and it didn’t hurt at all which, I think, pissed her off more than anything in a long time. I said to her near the end, “You want to destroy me, don’t you?” “Yes.” She replied.

Visible sings: Bad Dogs and Barbed Wire by Les Visible♫ Bad Dogs and Barbed Wire ♫


Anonymous said...

Les, I hope those that feel compelled to try to change you/own you/destroy you get what they needed from their attempts. I mostly think they are envious of your freedom. Cognitive dissonance is a real bitch you know. How DARE you practice real freedom!

Your song damn near made me fall out of my chair I was laughing so hard! Wonderful stuff, although the part about moving to Minnesota made me squirm a bit since I was born there and now live 11 miles from the room I was born in 44 years ago (why does that make me so sad inside?) and I REALLY like cheese.

There are lots of b-b-bad dogs out there, many with a smile and "your best interest" at heart, but you know that so very well I'm sure. Good on you for not taking any of this too seriously. And good on you for doing WHATEVER IT TAKES regardless of the "rules and regulations". They are so overrated anyway. From what I have read in the responses to the previous posting, it seems most have just substituted a chemical for an ideal anyways. One opens doors for some of us, the other locks many of us in.

Be well, and as always - thank you.



faithful forever said...

I love you Les.

Soozie Q

Anonymous said...

So many are looking to be saved...or worse, to save someone else...but only with their rules being used. Heck, it's not even their rules, they are man made rules written by men to enslave
men. If you feel you need a book or a constitution to "allow" you to be free or to strangle you...maybe you deserve what you get. Some of the people who post in the comment section would start another inquisition because their way is the only way "PRAISE JESUS"...If I get this right, god appoints the rulers according to the bible....and, if he /she/it does...where is the free will part? Stop looking for a savior.....stop looking for a leader...stop looking for a your own hero.

I also keep hearing..organize organize...we are all such good little joiners....go ahead...but I won't. I come in here because right now, the words written here speak to me...they wash over me...I am inspired...i am challenged. I don't know if I will be here in a month or not. I went through the Alex Jones stuff years ago and now I can't stand to listen to him....something in me has said not to.

I go where I go, for as long as I go. I am not looking for a guru or a savior..
I am not looking for seems to come my way when it comes, and stays for as long as it stays.
To each their own.
To all of you who quote the bible or this or that...start coming up with your own thoughts and words...think for yourself....It all started for me years ago when I asked myself: "why do I believe what I believe"--I found that most of what I had been programmed to "believe", I didn't believe at all..Now, I can feel whether to continue reading or not very quickly.....As someone else in the comments said "first you have to unlearn"...then you have room to grow.

Anonymous said...

Wanted to say thank you to "Z" for the thoughts you have shared recently. They mirror my own in some ways. I hope you continue to contribute.

Ben There said...

Well gee Les, this is really disappointing to me. Here I was, hoping against hope, that you'd tell me how to braid my hair. (hehe)

Sorry...I know this is a serious post but it's also humorous.

In all seriousness though, one of the lessons of my adult life has been coming to grips that it's not my place to tell someone else what's best for them or what they should or should not do, even when I'm convinced that I know. And incidentally, that's been another lesson - being less sure that I "know".

With that being said...There is a teacher named Eckhart Tolle that I've probably mentioned here before. You may have heard of him. He's gained popularity, which I know will turn you off, but I think you would appreciate his teaching in regards to what he calls the "pain body". It's remarkable really, and I think he's the real deal - despite his endorsement by Oprah. If you are inclined, you might check out some of his talks. Hearing him talk is much more effective than reading his work in my opinion. If you are interested I'd have some specific suggestions. I'd even like to send some of his work to you. I'm suggesting this because you've recommended some very helpful material to me and I'm just trying to return the favor.

Anonymous said...

I have read Tolle as well and would highly recommend him to you, and your readers. My wife had gotten the "Power of Now" and I tried reading it at one point and put it down...just wasn't ready yet. A month or two later I was ready...for whatever reason--this was pre-Oprah--Just to show you all how enlightened I am (lol). I have also read "A New Earth" and would recommend that (to beginners) first, even though it was his second book. There is real meat in what he says...line after line. You don't have to join anything, and he's not trying to save you. I read both books many times and now I am in a lull period and waiting to see what falls off the shelf for me next. Also, a reminder to people: If there was something that was recommended to you in the past and it just didn't fit at the time...try may be where you need to be now to understand.

Ben There said...

jj -

I would also highly recommend listening to one of Tolle's works in audio format. The audio version of "A New Earth" is great and he has a number of live talks that you can get on cd or dvd. For me, the spoken teaching (in the case of Tolle) seems to be significantly more potent.

Matter of fact, you can catch Tolle on YouTube. Just type in his name and there are some good segments from talks.

Anonymous said...

Hi Les. All I would like to know is, who is Soozie Q and does your wife know about her? lol

willie said...

Hi Les, is there a way I can get 2 copies of "The Whine"?

Thank you, Willie

notamobster said...

So, I looked up E. Tolle and found this on his website:

"At the core of the teachings lies the transformation of consciousness, a spiritual awakening that he sees as the next step in human evolution."

I have recommended on Mirrors and my own blog the book "Cosmic Consciousness" by Richard M. Bucke
which tries (and well) to explain this same concept (that of higher consciousness being an evolutionary trait). It also does well to explain that there are "many paths, one mountain" .

I don't mean to insult anyone if you've already read the book, or if this seems elementary. Just thought I'd put it out there. Be easy...

nobody said...

Les, can't I lecture you on the Buddha? I read a book about him once. It was called Fulfill Your Desires - 8 Easy Steps To Becoming Buddha. Ha!

Idiocy aside, I can dig what you're on about. I get the tiniest taste of it over at my place. To cop what you cop would do my head in. If I could give you some advice, it would be to ignore anyone who starts a sentence with 'If I could give you some advice..."

Franz said...

Hey, this is better than your other one. Wow.

I can get with this:

"These laws are engineered by people who manufacture products far more toxic than anything that I take..."

God yes. Can I comment/rant slightly?

Let me note that migraine headaches have had a REAL IMPACT on my life an no, it's not me that gets them. Father, grandma, my WIFE, but never me.

But the pain they go through kills me.

The crap they are mandated to take is TOXIC WASTE and expensive and might, on a good day, work maybe a tenth of the time.

Meanwhile what did a Brazilian study report some years back? Let me think...

Oh yeah, grass. Good old Mary Jane herself, goddess of hemp. The Brazilians are still part of the (dwindling) Free World and they said:

Grass, despite some drawbacks, is a cheap, realiable aid to many of the ailments of modernity. Including insomnia, muscle pain and MIGRAINES...

...WITHOUT the toxic side effects of the migraine meds that bought Merck a few dozen yachts, I bet.

In a moment of total lunacy after I heard that, having nursed family members through days of pain, I said out loud I WANT TO KILL AT LEAST ONE DRUG COP BEFORE I DIE.

The moment passed. But I remember the pain that people I loved went through and saw the smug look of drug cops kicking doors in and damn if I'll feel guilty for that moment, lunatic as it was.

Keep saying these things.

Too many of us know up close how right you are. And damn the DEA and hooray for Brazil.

Visible said...

Okay... a little multiple here. You're a hoot Brian. I have known a couple of ladies who called themselves by that sobriquet but I've no idea who this one is.

As for Susanne, we are completely free to be free. The fact that neither of us take advantage of this is besides the point. Neither of us what to kill the thing we love and so we take Blake's advice about "he who binds to himself a joy" etc. Of course this will translate into yet more immorality on my part in the minds of those so disposed or ridgedly contained.

Haven't run across Tolle but I don't much follow or read anyone these days except that I'm going through the works of Mouravieff and his gnostic trilogy. Appearing on Oprah gives it a taste of opportunism but I will reserve judgment.

Nobody, you can lecture me on anything since you're one of the brightest bulbs around, even if you haven't been on Oprah.

The Whine is not published in paper yet, only The Dark Splendor however I will be offering it in either Sony Book Reader form or PDF for download as soon as I can get Tony's new and improved website up.

I'd really like to thank all of you for the great comments; espscially you Soozie (grin).

Ben There said...

Nota -

Cosmic Consciousness is a classic and a great recommendation. Bucke also links spiritual awakening to a stage in human evolution and I tend to agree. In fact, I am of the mindset that humanity is nearing a point where the majority of us will take that next step and awaken en masse or we will self destruct and there will be no more humans. In other words - we're nearing a time when spiritual awakening will be critical to survival as opposed to some rare fluke that happens to maybe .0001% of the population.

Anonymous said...

"I'm sorry, Doc, but I have to agree with some folks on a website, who I have never even met, that your methods are totally crap and not for me"

3 weeks of anxiety, lethargy, and pain. Real, physical pain extending from my neck into my head and rendering me mostly useless. Daggers plunged into my ribcage (surgical site) where years ago all my muscles and nerves were severed when they went in through my back to remove a lung (only to have to retreat and leave it in place). Crushing depression due to the pressures of "the world" and not being able to play my guitar for several weeks due to some strange nerve issue that makes my hand go numb after 3 chords. I have been reduced to sitting in front of a computer screen "talking" to people I never met and watching things unfold on the world stage exclusively in a virtual environment. I was trapped by my own process.

I finally caved and went to the "doctor" the other day at my wife's insistence. Got some harsh words and basically an ultimatum - take my treatment or I am unable to help you further (been seeing this guy for YEARS and tried the Prozac trip for a couple of them before tossing 'em in the trash and never looking back).

I walked out with 2 prescriptions, one for pain (Tramadol) and one for "depression" (Citalopram). Man, I've been down this road before and know where it leads, but my wife is seriously worried and I'm soooo cool with the idea of tipping over and moving on. Suicidal? No. Ready to go? Hell yeah - bring it on!

Took a Tramadol for the "pain" that night. Well, the physical pain was still there 3 hours later but I didn't seem to mind as much, so it seems like a compromise at best. I have yet to eat the "antidepressant". Something is telling me not to, and if I have learned anything at all in my time here it is to listen to that inner voice.

I broke a rule yesterday. A big one both for personal and legal reasons. I did something "counter-indicated" and against the law. I went to a buddy's house and partook of some of his high-grade grass because that is what I used to do prior to my "recovery". I got stoned, and almost immediately all the B.S. and "worries" of the world left me. It was like flipping a switch.

On my way home, I found myself banked over in a corner going almost twice the posted speed limit along a windy road overlooking the Mississippi river. It' s fall here, and kind of chilly, but in a good way. The air was crisp and felt clean. The multi-colored leaves scurrying across the road ahead of me as the strong aroma of the earth entered my helmet dazzled the eyes as much as the olfactory senses were being tickled, and the tuned exhaust of my Triumph was playing the kind of song that goes right, straight to my heart.

In that moment, all depression left me. The lightbulb clicked on again. I remembered why we chose to come here and leave the world of the pure intellect and take on the physical - so we can EXPERIENCE life in all of its manifestations. I was reminded that as much as I want to move on to the that place of no form, I would likely feel the same way about that state and long to leave it for the physical anyways, so I might as well enjoy it while I'm here.

I have been rolling around in my brain, playing that old trick on myself believing that it was living. It took an illegal substance and some risk to get me out of my house, out of my brain, and out of my funk. Whatever it takes, man. Whatever it takes. Time to go crank up my guitar - numbness or not. It's good to be alive, no matter how much it hurts or how hard that silly voice in my head tries to convince me otherwise. The head is overrated and doesn't seem to mind lying to me. The heart just KNOWS. I know who I want to listen to now.



nobody said...

Z, you continue to amaze mate. With that crisp air and the motorcycle ride, my twenty year relationship with my katana 750 slammed back into my head. I truly loved that thing. And otherwise, smoke that dope mate. The law is bullshit. It only functions as a mechanism of fear, and fear is the lousiest reason there is for doing something or not doing something.

Ben There, I'm not having a go at you or anything, but mate, your photo... it's so at odds with your words. Your words are cool. I always like what you have to say. But your photo looks like it's from a cop dating site or something.

If you're attached to it then by all means pay me no attention. I used to be a cog in the advertising biz and I quit it all and now I'm a penniless hippy, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I'd just like the copy and the picture to go together...

Sorry! Regards otherwise : )

Anonymous said...

I happen to like the writings. What you do to get through the night is your right. I like the green leafy stuff it inspires creativity. Look for a documentary "The Drug War-The Last White Hope" it points up the farce that the "drug war" is. All these damn war metaphors let's have a freakin' war on cancer and aids, a war against war, a war against busy budy do gooders who know whats best for your mind and body, a war on finks.

Anonymous said...

'don't change a hair for me'
your energy as displayed in these blogs
is true nourishment for my spirit.
Thank you for sharing so freely.

Anonymous said...

I think Lame Deer, the Lakota healer, said something similar, (book, Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions) that no one pays a medicine man to live up to other's expectations.

It seems to me that when people don't have the control over themselves they would like to have then they want to try to control others.

Anonymous said...

I wish our leaders thought and lived as you do.

Ty said...

Thank you SO much visible , 3049



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